


A Coyote's Complaint

by PaintedYertle



Category: Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies
Genre: Gen, letter of complaint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 07:10:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1296025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaintedYertle/pseuds/PaintedYertle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the ACME CO. fails to live up to its own standards, it seems only natural that one of it's most active customers would send a letter of complaint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Complaint

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my health teacher, who let me be funny.

ACME Co.

1949 Warner Str.

ACME Acres, 221719

 

Dear ACME Co.,

I am usually fairly satisfied by the use of your products. Your speedy delivery and vast variety is unmatched by any other company I am aware of. That is the reason I depended on you whenever I was in need.

However, my recent purchases have not served me well. You see, for reasons I refuse to explain, I reside in the middle of a desert. Therefore, it is reasonable to assume that food is not an easily obtainable resource for me. So when a certain speedy blue bird passes me by I naturally attempt to catch it. Since the _Accelleratii Incredibus_ is known for its incredibly accelerated speed I am unable to do so on my own. That is why I turned to your products for help.

Since then I have ordered multiple costumes, a hang glider, an anvil, paint, a robot on one specific occasion, and countless other cases where none of these products worked to lead me toward my ultimate goal. I personally suggest you have a problem if even the paint proves to be dysfunctional. I am still going hungry. Consider for a moment my utter embarrassment as another one of my well-thought-out plans blows up (quite literally) in my face while that wretched Roadrunner dashes by, taunting me with his repetitious “Meep-Meep”.

So I refuse to pay this lengthy bill you have presented me with. Frankly I’m quite shocked you have the audacity to do so. I will cough up the dough once you present me with a functional product and my stomach is full. I consider that a fair deal. Hopefully you consider now that you hopefully understand my plight. I eagerly await your reply.

Sincerely,

Wile E. Coyote/ _Carnivorous Vulgaris/_ Genius

 


	2. ACME's Reply

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reply from the company.

Coyote, Wile E.

Cliffside, Desolate Rd.

Desert 00000

 

Mr. Coyote,

When the paint ceases to work correctly we don't believe it's us. Fate is against you, my friend. Your endurance (and service) is appreciated, but we suggest ACME Canned Roadrunner™

Signed,

Your Friends at ACME CO

**Author's Note:**

> Also let me know if anyone has a more creative idea for the address and zip code. Couldn't think of much.


End file.
